About This Here Blog and These Here Lyrics:

I started this blog mainly to put our lyrics all in one spot so the boys and girls auditioning for lead singer could get the stuff down before their big stage debut.  The audition is live, in front of  a hostile audience of hoodlums, prostitutes and drunken savages.  Rob Ruckus will emcee (you’ve probably seen him on TV, he’s quite the celebrity these days), and will personally and decisively take care of anyone who tries to molest you, so no worries there.

This event happens on Friday, June 5th at the Dive Bar in Las Vegas.

A YouTube link is at the bottom of each lyric page, so that makes it easy!  Oh, except for The Amazing Gamma Girl, which never made it to the CD.  That was one of my favorite songs, and the producer screwed it up so bad that it couldn’t be used. Let me just say right here that I’m not at all happy with how the CD came out.  It was recorded in 1994 when some really good-sounding recordings were made, so there’s no excuse except for the fact that my left arm was in a cast at the time, making it rather unwieldy to play guitar.  Add to that the thin production and mastering…aw hell.  Just play it really loud; it sounds better that way.

You’ll be required to sing Pussycat Laundromat, which has become sort of our theme song for some reason.  Then learn at least two more songs to sing during the show.

If you’re of the perpetually outraged crowd and can’t tolerate a sense of humor, well, this may not be for you.  We don’t walk on eggshells and we don’t go out of our way to present a scene of phony decorum so as not to make some pansy pajama boy uncomfortable.  We’re here to have fun, and that’s really all there is to it.  Relax, grab the mic and let ‘er rip.

Godspeed and cheers!

Dave

Lyrics – Gutterball

I was bowlin’ up a storm goin’ strike strike strike

It was a Saturday night full of Ebonite

I had the pins flyin’ all over the place

Then the ball hit the gutter when I saw her face

She walked into my life

She walked into my lane

 

Well, I’m chicken chicken and

I’m sick and tired of being a scarecrow

I’m thinkin’ maybe I should go and talk to her

But I don’t know!

She walked into my life

She walked into my lane

 

Over by the Mike & Ike machine

Was the craziest chick I have ever seen

Big ol’ wazooms, oh what a pair

If I’m a seven-ten split she could take my spare

She walked into my life

She walked into my lane

 

Lyrics – Crack Street

Well everybody’s hoppin’ and everybody’s boppin’ on Crack Street

The cops are thumpin’ and the heads are poppin’ on Crack Street

You are sleeping in puke on a Hollywood sidewalk

Sell your butt and score another white rock

Another service in another back seat

Down on Crack Street

 

There’s a little kid with a bloody nose on Crack Street

No one gives a shit ’cause that’s the way it goes on Crack Street

You think you’ll live through it, you just might

But someone’s gonna get their head kicked in tonight

They zip you up in a big black sheet

Down on Crack Street

 

Lyrics – Never came back

She laughed at me when I begged her not to go

She was dressed real nice, going to a hot rod show

The moon was gone and rainclouds filled the sky

She started the car and never said goodbye

One hundred miles an hour is just a little too fast

She never came back that night

 

I smoked two packs of Camels by the phone

Never have I felt so all alone

When the paper hit the porch I said a prayer

Even Jesus couldn’t find her anywhere

There’s a twisted pile of metal by the railroad track

She never came back that night

 

Now it’s been a year since she’s been gone

My nightmares never tell me what went wrong

Every time I hear a siren in the rain

I swear I hear her screaming out in pain

She died just like she lived and that’s a little too fast

She never came back that night

 

Lyrics – Homicide

Well, the homeless population is a problem

‘Cause not enough of them are suicides

All they are is a burden on the planet

I got the answer – homicide

 

And the welfare mothers having babies

You know they’re taking us for a ride

There are too many people in this world already

The solution – homicide

 

We all know why the country is goin’ downhill

Immigration is a never-ending tide

They come around here just to drink up all our beer

I got the answer – homicide

 

Homicide is a noble cause

It’s a shame that it’s against the law

The final solution doesn’t take a revolution

It’s evolution – homicide

 

And the AIDS epidemic doesn’t really bother me

In fact I think it’s doing all right

But the homos and junkies aren’t dying fast enough

Let’s help ’em out – homicide

 

Lyrics – Shoot My Boss

I’ve got a twelve gauge shotgun and I ain’t a-scared to use it

A bad hangover and I’m just about to lose it

My boss just made a huge mistake

He looked at the clock and he told me I was late

I’m finally gonna do my job

I’m gonna shoot my boss

 

When the shotgun speaks it’s loud and clear

It’s a life or death game of smear the queer

He thinks he’s gonna put me in my place

I’ll blow that stupid smile right off his face

I swear to you right now by God

I’m gonna shoot my boss

 

You should have seen him shake, you should have seen him dance

You should have seen him pee right in his pants

I shot him and I shot him and I reloaded and shot him

At point-blank range man, every round got him

I finally went and did my job

You think I’m kidding you

The whole world is better off

Now that I shot my boss

 

Lyrics – Pussycat Laundromat

I didn’t tell her then

What’s too late to tell her now

She threw a chain around my heart

And then she ripped it out

She went away forever

Now how could she do that?

Now I cry like Hank Williams

At the Pussycat Laundromat

 

At the Pussycat Laundromat

Where oh where could she be?

I lay awake and try to breathe

She did some things I don’t believe

 

Lyrics – The Amazing Gamma Girl

I met her at the uranium mine

She was breaking up rocks and lookin’ real fine

My Geiger counter said to get away

But I asked her out on a date anyway

 

I said hey babe, the way you radiate

You just make me want to violate you

She looked at me with plutonium eyes

Shook her head and she said:

Nice try.

 

Chorus:

 

Where’s that gamma girl

I wanna take her for a whirl

That hyperactive psychoactive

Radioactive gamma girl yeah

Where’s that gamma girl

I gotta take her for a whirl

That radioactive psychoactive

Oh how I love that gamma girl

 

Well I followed her down the stairs

And couldn’t find her anywhere

Now she’s ten miles underground

And nowhere to be found – hey!

 

(Chorus)

 

Well she walked away, I never saw her again

But she’s in my mind like tritium

A nuclear memory, an x-ray pearl

I will never forget that little gamma girl

Lyrics – Too Dumb to Die

I pay good money just to have no fun

Wake up in the morning with Attila the Hun

I’m sick of work and I’m tired all the time

I guess I’m just too dumb to die

 

Chorus:

 

Don’t ask me why ’cause I don’t know why

Too dumb to die

 

I saw a good friend just the other day

She asked me if everything is going okay

But I couldn’t answer – all I could do was cry

And I said I guess I’m just too dumb to die

 

(Chorus)

 

Opportunity tossed me a hand grenade

I could pull that pin and have it made

But I go on living and I don’t know why

I guess I’m just too dumb to die

 

(Chorus)

 

Lyrics – Dead Meat

I’m a punk rock honky tonkin’ man
I stay out late as often as I can
When I get home she’s waiting up for me
Tonight I’m gonna be dixie fried dead meat

She’s got a voodoo doll that looks a lot like me
I saw her stick a pin in his weenie!
She’s acting weird and it’s giving me the creeps
Tonight I’m gonna be dixie fried dead meat

Chorus:

I’m dixie fried dead meat tonight
When I get home there’s gonna be a fight
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
When she says:
Be advised, you go out tonight
And I’ll kill you in your sleep
Dead meat!

She always says she loves me the best
Some day she’s gonna love me to death
When I get home tonight she’s gonna freak
Tonight I’m gonna be dixie fried dead meat

(Chorus)